A good meeting is more than just finding a new person in front of you. You should feel something. Maybe even share the same emotional connection together (or not).
This is what we have built our UpDate nights for. The goal is not to force chemistry, but to create conditions in which you experience various emotional states. Group activities, playful uncertainty, shared tasks, and moments of both delight and mild frustration all help people step out of flat social autopilot and into a more alive, more relational state.
Shared emotion creates connection
One of the most robust findings in this area is that shared experience increases social bonding. When people experience something together, their affect, attention, physiology, and interpretations can become more aligned, and that alignment predicts feeling closer to each other. In a naturalistic study, dyads who showed greater synchrony in facial expressions, physiological arousal, and cognitive appraisals reported stronger social connection.
This matters because it suggests that connection is not only built through talking. It is also built through shared emotional timing. Laughing at the same moment, reacting to the same surprising situation, or even quietly registering the same weirdness can create a sense of “we are in this together”. That is exactly the kind of emotional substrate a dating event can benefit from.
Group activities change the emotional climate
Group activities are powerful because they make emotion contagious and socially legible. People do not just feel their own response; they also see how others are responding, and that changes the meaning of the moment. Research on shared affect shows that co-experiencing emotional material with others can increase group cohesion, especially when the emotion is intense or arousing. Even when the affect is negative, sharing it with others can be socially binding rather than isolating.
A group can make you laugh, but it can also make you self-aware, a little embarrassed, or relieved to find a safe person. In our “classroom” frame, people are not just meeting a stranger; they are entering a temporary social world where it is easier to locate allies, mirror each other, and feel part of the same situation. That belonging is not just comforting — it is emotionally activating.
Doing together is a kind of bonding
Not all friendship or attraction happens face-to-face in a direct conversation. A lot of human connection happens shoulder-to-shoulder, through shared doing. E.g. preparing the space for the event together, struggling to assemble a game – it’s all part of the process. Additionally, research on movement synchrony shows that when people coordinate their movements, it can foster affiliation, cooperation, and social bonding. Even small motor coordination cues can make people feel more in sync, and that embodied synchrony can support later verbal connection.
That is one reason we have included a lot of stupid, slightly infantile games (though we think Traveling Tabletop Arcade sounds way cooler:)). You are not just sitting across from one another and trying to “perform well.” You are assembling, adjusting, guessing, and solving together. That kind of shared task creates micro-moments of uncertainty — how does this part fit, what’s the rule, what are we even doing — and those moments tend to pull you into mutual attention. In social psychology terms, the shared task becomes a shared emotional event.
Why building it yourself matters
There is also a very practical reason why the arcade is more engaging: people tend to like things more when they help build them. This is often called the IKEA effect, and the general idea is that effort increases attachment and valuation. When you help assemble the arcade, you are not only receiving an experience; you are partly creating it. That small investment makes the moment feel more yours. (Still, thanks for your help!). It is also a great context design to find out who is more aware of the environment, displays a more pro-social attitude, etc. Yes, it is indeed about more than just silly games (:
Emotion is not always positive
Not every emotionally charged moment has to be pleasant. You can bond over frustration, confusion, skepticism, or shared dislike. Research on shared negative affect shows that intense negative experiences can increase cohesion when they are experienced together rather than alone. In other words, “this is stupid” can become a bonding moment if two people are saying it in choir.
This is useful because it lowers the pressure on every activity to be universally loved. If a game feels childish or ridiculous, that is not necessarily a failure. It may actually create a valuable social signal: we are both having the same reaction. That shared reaction can generate humor, honesty, and a sense of ease. Sometimes connection starts not with enthusiasm, but with a mutually understood eye-roll.
The social body matters too
There is also likely something important about movement itself. Emotional experience is not purely verbal; it is embodied. Research on social interaction shows that facial expressions, posture, and bodily movement are part of how people align with each other, and spontaneous motor coordination can foster further interaction. Even simple things like leaning in, turning toward someone, gesturing, or synchronizing small movements can increase the feeling that an interaction is flowing.
That is one reason energizers and physical group activities matter so much. They make the social body visible. They create rhythm, timing, and a little bit of collective momentum. In a room of strangers, that can be enough to move people from cautious observation into actual social engagement.
Why this works for dating
All of this adds up to a simple idea: good meetings are emotionally active meetings. They do not keep everyone on one flat social plane. They create small waves — laughter, awkwardness, surprise, irritation, curiosity, relief — and those waves make people feel more present with each other.
This is what we try to build. The group creates safety and energy. The arcade creates shared doing and playful uncertainty. The games create emotional contrast. And the whole format gives people a chance to see each other not just as profiles or conversation partners, but as real humans responding to the same moment. That is where connection begins.
Sources
Cheong, J. H., Molani, Z., Sadhukha, S., & Chang, L. J. (2023). Synchronized affect in shared experiences strengthens social connection. Communications Biology, 6, 1099.
Pérez et al./group-cohesion and shared attention literature discussed in: Facing Sorrow as a Group Unites. PLoS One (2015).
Wiltermuth, S. S., & Heath, C. (2009). Synchrony and cooperation. Related work on movement synchrony and bonding.
Frontiers in Psychology editorial on motor correlates of motivated social interactions.
Schachter, S., & Singer, J. E. (1962). Cognitive, social, and physiological determinants of emotional state. Classic two-factor theory of emotion.
Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened attraction under conditions of anxiety. Classic bridge/transfer-of-arousal work.
The IKEA effect literature: effort and valuation, commonly associated with Norton, Mochon, & Ariely.